I have been in and out of autistic burn out for years without knowing it. As I adjust my life, both pre- and post-diagnosis, I see these feelings come up less. But it’s still challenging to accept that I will have periods of burnout.
Autistic burnout is a syndrome conceptualized as resulting from chronic life stress and a mismatch of expectations and abilities without adequate supports. It is characterized by pervasive, long-term (typically 3+ months) exhaustion, loss of function, and reduced tolerance to stimulus. (Raymaker et al., 2021, cited by Neurodivergent Insights).
Read on for some aspects of autistic burnout that I’ve noticed in myself, and what autistic burnout feels like to me. And remember, I’m not a doctor! Some of these issues overlap with other conditions and you may want to reach out to a professional if you are struggling. While many autistic people describe similar experiences, autistic burnout can look different for everyone, and research on it is still developing.
Executive Functioning Issues
One of the first things I notice is the amount of “to-do’s” that remain unchecked at the end of the day. At first, I might be able to take care of the top priorities, like showering and going to work. But soon exercise, chores, eating, and hobbies start to feel difficult. It’s not that I don’t want to do these things, necessarily. It’s that the startup energy or motivation to do it is no longer there. I find my willpower runs out after fewer and fewer tasks each day.
Brain Fog
At the same time, it becomes increasingly difficult for me to think. I might talk slower and take longer to respond. I might notice silly mistakes in my work. And unfortunately this brain fog can also keep me from connecting the dots to realize that I am nearing burnout.
It also makes it hard to do some of the things I enjoy. Knitting a complicated pattern becomes frustrating when I have to rip out a row of mistakes. Perhaps I reread the same page multiple times, or have trouble finding my words when talking to my partner. It’s much easier to be gentle with myself, though, now that I understand the origin.
Sensory Issues
Being in loud, bright, or otherwise overwhelming environments is a trigger for burnout, and it’s definitely a feedback loop. The more I am exposed, the more I will burn out, and the more I burn out, the more the sensory issues affect me. It’s like my brain can no longer filter out any of the background noise. I seek out dark, quiet spaces when I’m nearing burnout, and when I absolutely must go out, I rely even more on my sensory supports.
Irritability
On a related note, I might be increasingly moody as I approach burnout. Bright lights and speakers turned up too loud become a personal affront. “The lights are stabbing me in the eyes!” I might say. I’m happy to say I’ve been able to notice this one through mindfulness and meditation before I get entirely caught up in it. I don’t want to cause others to feel upset if I am in a bad mood. Yet it’s not healthy for me to pretend that I’m feeling good when I am not. So I try to strike a balance between letting myself feel grumpy and making sure I don’t take it out on others.
Fatigue
My brain and body often seem to be on completely different pages during burnout. My mind is awake, but my body is too tired to do anything. Or, my body wants to move, but my brain doesn’t want to let me up off of the couch. This can lead to a general sense of fatigue or grogginess that is hard to shake, even after a nap or a good night’s rest.
It can feel a bit like being sedated, or like I am moving through molasses. If I can manage to get outside or to the gym, I might feel a boost of energy. It’s a useful test if I’m not sure whether I am sick or approaching burnout. I sometimes start a workout and promise if I don’t get that energized feeling, I can stop anytime and rest instead.
Recovery
At times in my life I can see exactly what caused the burnout and when that trigger will be moving along, such as a period of frequent travel. If that’s the case, it’s easier to ride out the feelings knowing there is a temporary cause. It’s also important in those cases to schedule in a long recovery break.
At other times I have had to make bigger life changes. My previous job was a source of recurring burnout, and moving to a field with fewer social demands and after-hours responsibilities certainly helped. But that is not always possible, because burnout can take away your ability to make the big changes that are needed for long-term sustainability. It’s a challenge to find the time rest and recuperate, and then rebuild.
As always, thanks for reading! If you want to stay up-to-date on the latest posts, and access OM, my free meditation tool, be sure to subscribe.
What is your experience with burnout? Let me know in the comments!
